Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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