I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wear drunk well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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