Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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