is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
