it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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