last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
