Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
