my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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