it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
