So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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