He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize