Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
