If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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