I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
