the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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