his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
