I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
