There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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