felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
