My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
