he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So apparently I’m into choking now
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