I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
