In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
