he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my liver is dry heaving
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
