I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't make out with my wife yet
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Randomize
