its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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