I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
