Whod you bang
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
