omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
