Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize