So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
