I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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