margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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