It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
