why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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