idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
