dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
