I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
