oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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