I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
