none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
