You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
