Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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