Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
