I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize