you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
