Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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