Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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