Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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