When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
