On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
