I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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