i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
