just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize