walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
