someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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