Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
