No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
