"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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