god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
