I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
