The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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