I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
