from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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