the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
