I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
True strength comes from lack of pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
