she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize