If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
