This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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