My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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