He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
