I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
